I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
