I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
