grandma shit on top of the toilet
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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