I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
