Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
