So drunk its hurt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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