this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize