dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
