I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
