At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
