so explain again why im purple
no
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love accidental penises.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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