why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
