I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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