ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize