We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
