VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He felt like a one man threesome
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
