I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
