I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
