I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
