I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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