I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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