btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
