it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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