I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
