don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
