everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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