I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
