WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize