so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
