he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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