Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
