There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
