I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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