You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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