My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
