Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
