She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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