I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
