I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
