We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
