Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
