I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
