not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize