I wish my penis had an off switch
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
