Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
