If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
