Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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