oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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