So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
