i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
