And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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