look no pants
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
