he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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