At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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