giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
