I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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