I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
