Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
