Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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