That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
