I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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