You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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