You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
