Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize