I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
