Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
