Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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