His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
