I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
