remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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